The Cost of Being Exceptional

I know a lot of people who are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, I being one of those people.

Let’s start off with the assumption that we are all capable of anything. Of course that’s not really the case. We are not capable of “anything” , mercifully there are constraints on our lives. The universe has rules that put order into what could be an endless chaos of potential. Without constraints and rules that’s what anything would be, potential. The universe without it’s laws of physics would be just that, potential. Our lives without constraints would be chaos which , in it’s other name, is potential. We are constrained by so many things. Our birth, our country our intelligence, our genetics — on and on.

So, we are constrained. However, we are not nearly as constrained as we think we are. Thankfully, we are all incredibly blind to the extent of what we are capable of. In most cases, we greatly over estimate our ability. For example, we don’t really know how intelligent we are. We just act out in the world like we are intelligent. We try things that might well be beyond our capability because we over estimate what we are capable of rather than underestimate. No one tells a friend not to try because he might not be smart enough. They say, go for it, you can do it. This is great because otherwise, no one would try anything. The world is better off for people trying and failing than for people not trying at all, no matter how right they might be about why they shouldn’t. We are, all of us, a bunch of over confident and supportive apes, and thank god for that.

Even with the constraints that nature and the universe puts on us, we still have an endless buffet of choices of what we want to accomplish with our lives. Culture and religion (often hard to differentiate) gives us some direction, adds a few more constraints to our otherwise paralyzing array of choices. Cultures and religion carry with them more than rituals and prayers. My generation seems to have abandoned it all together, thrown the baby out with the bath water. Culture and religion comes with values and virtues that have been passed down through thousands of years. Perhaps, if we were to be a little humble, we could read between the lines a little and see that there is more to it than meets the eye. We say we lack direction, the world is oh so big and scary and it’s true. There are ways to remedy this and one way is to look to our cultures and religions. They may not have all the answers but they certainly don’t lack them all together. They can situate you, make you a part of something bigger than yourself and extricate you from the petrifying chaos of the unknown — the potential that lies in front of everyone. A few more constraints may be good for your sanity. Do you think you’re better than thousands of years of wisdom? I doubt it. Give it a shot, all you have to loose is a little pride and everything you have to gain is a sense of direction.

Even then, there is a myriad of activities that we can spend our time on. We are born with a death sentence and every moment that passes is one that could be spent doing something other than what you’re doing right now. There is a cost to every choice you make as economists have so aptly found out. Everyone in my generation, for the most part, wants to do something great. To be someone. To accomplish something exceptional but they (and I) have no idea what that is. What do we do? Well, what ever it is, it’s going to cost you. Ask yourself : Is it worth it?

Think of something that you want to do, something you think you might be good at, something that you could be exceptional at. Now, imagine that you are going to be exceptional at it.

Next, find people who are exceptional at what you want to do and ask them not how they got there but what they had to sacrifice first. You have to stop doing things that hold you back before you can start doing things that can propel you forward. You need to take the foot off the brakes before you can hit the accelerator. Before you can start making money, you need to learn how to stop spending it. You have to sacrifice first.

If I wanted to become a professional bodybuilder, I would have to sacrifice a lot before I found a trainer, hit the gym harder and bought all the supplements I need. I would have to sacrifice time with my job. I would have to sacrifice time with my family and friends. I would have to sacrifice going out for a meal or eating a piece of Dad’s birthday cake. I would have to sacrifice the freedom of not weighing all my food. I would have to sacrifice enjoyment for sleep and freedom for routine. I would have to find the process that would take me to where I want to be and sacrifice anything else outside of that at the alter of discipline. Am I willing to pay the costs to be exceptional at this? No. It’s not worth it for me. I have pushed my lifestyle and made as many sacrifices as I can to get where I am now. What my body demands of me to go to the next level, I cannot do because I am not willing to make those sacrifices. It’s not worth the cost of being exceptional.

Being exceptional is a lonely business. It is part and parcel of being an outsider. You can be exceptionally good or exceptionally bad, either way it’s going to be a long and lonely road. A degenerate alcoholic that spends every dollar he makes each day at the bar and passes out by the dumpster in the back is as exceptional as the top lawyer in New York’s top law firm. Exceptional but in very different ways. They both make sacrifices. There is no escaping the cost of being exceptional . The only choice you have is choosing in what way you are going to be exceptional and what price you’re willing to pay. In the middle of that spectrum is the rest of society. Both of those extremes have stopped doing things that those in the middle do. To be exceptional, you have to stop doing things like everyone else. Instead of going out to the ball game with your friends, you memorize every facet of corporate law. Instead of going home to your kids after, work you hit the bar and drown yourself in your self loathing. Pay the price or be like everyone else.

This is the cost of being exceptional. Don’t know what you want to do? Think of something you could do and then imagine all the sacrifices it would take you to get there. You will find that you are unwilling to make the sacrifices you need to for most of the things you come up with. Constraints will show up and guide you. If you want to be the top dog at a multimillion dollar corporation, are you willing to make the sacrifices you need to get there? Are you willing to sacrifice eighty hours a week of your short spark of existence to get there? Are you willing to alienate, hurt and abandon everyone in your family to be 40 under 40? Are you willing to sacrifice your life for the one you think you want to have?

You’re probably not and that’s okay. It’s totally okay and its the way its meant to be. There is everything right in being a part of soceity and like everyone else. You can choose the society you want to be part of, the friends you want to have and the “normal” you want to be. You get to chose the price you’re willing to pay and in that way you get to see what truly matters to you. Being truly and unapologetically exceptional takes immense sacrifice and most people are just not wired that way or just don’t find something that warrants it. That’s okay too given that you have the sense and wisdom to see the society you’re a part of for what it is, unblinded by your location within the group. You get to pick the price you pay and the standards you set for yourself. Don’t measure yourself by other people’s measure of success.

Alternatively, pick something you can accept the cost of being exceptional at and then forsake all other paths. Pick the price you want to pay and pay it. Pay in the form of discipline and effort to the path you have chosen. That is when discipline comes into play. When you have to start making those sacrifices, when you have to start saying no to people, that’s what discipline is. When you have to say no to that invite to a party because you’re trying to save some money. You have to know that the price your paying, the sacrifice you’re making is worth the cost. You have to know it in your bones. You have to know that the cost of being exceptional, forsaking all others in this one endeavor, is worth it. Without that, the discipline is hollow and it will falter at the first sign of approaching sacrifice. Find something worth the cost of being exceptional and the discipline will follow.